Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived

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And we start out by establishing the Dursleys are dicks, just in case it's not obvious later on. And given Uncle Vernon's reaction to Dudley throwing food at the walls, it makes sense that he turned out how he did. And that's totally not Dudley's fault.

"There were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry." -- Okay, keep telling yourself that asshole.

I do love McGonagall in animagus form giving Uncle Vernon a stern look. I just wish that she'd maybe, you know, CHECKED UP ON HARRY WHILE HE WAS GROWING UP. Most people wouldn't have thought much of a stray cat wandering through the neighborhood. I suppose she figured that Dumbledore knew what he was doing, but I would have liked to have seen more pushback about leaving Harry with the Dursleys.

McGonagall calling Hagrid careless and then he flies in on Sirius's motorcycle. Pretty good timing there.

Oh yes, let's just leave a baby on the doorstep with a letter in the middle of the night. What could ever go wrong?

The more I read this series, the sooner I start going HEY ASSHOLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LEAVING HARRY WITH THOSE ASSHOLES. It now happens in chapter 1.